Happy Birthday

-¿Haces el desayuno hoy ya que no trabajas?

I look at your mom in disbelief.

-Tu eres la mujer de la casa. Ademas ya son las 9, si mi tia Ligia se entera que estas durmiendo a estas horas se va a molestar.

-I don't care. Haz chocolatico con huevos tibios.

I do not know how is that fluffy understand that something is going on, but he was already scratching my bed.

-Go to sleep. -I told him. False alarm! I am not going to get up so early.

Anyway the dog did not go away so I went downstairs to let him go to Luz Mery'house to do his physical needs. I can say a lot of bad thing of my dog, except that he cannot choose the right house to bother.

So I was in the kitchen and suddenly I let my feminine side to go full expression and start cleaning the kitchen.

That was when Ana Maria call me. My phone was in the bedroom so Aidee answer.

-Hi mom. I want to talk to my dad.

-El esta abajo haciendo oficio.

-Today?

-Si. Yo tambien estoy sorprendida porque el nunca hace nada.

-Pero si hoy es su cumpleaños!

-Hoy es 13?

-Hoy es 11, el cumple el 11.

Silence.

-hmmmm

-Yo si lo note romantico pero no se me ocurrio que era por eso. Esta segura que no es el 13?

- Dejame chequear my libreta.

more silence.

-Es hoy mom!

-Ya te lo paso.

Fluffy was sleeping in the floor receiving the sun when your mom come with the phone.

- Es tu hija. Feliz cumpleaños.

-Espera me seco las manos que tengo jabon.

Yo deje una olla que estaba brillando y me seque las manos.

-Hi baby.

-Happy birthday to you

happy birthday to youuuu

Happy birthday daddy

Happy birthday...... toooooooo youuuuuUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

Por telefono

Ring....RING

I saw the ID and quickly answered the phone. The last thing I want to do is Upset your mom.

You never know when she is upset already so by letting the phone ring 4 times I am risking an unnecessary conflict.

- Dime cariño. I said

- jajajajaja Le chilla ese saludo. ¿Por que contesto tan rapido? ¿Tenias el telefono en la mano?

Damn! it does not matter if you answer fast or not, you are trapped. So I quickly disengaged the situation changing the topic.

-¿Donde esta el jabon para lavar la tina? no he podido hacer nada porque nunca encuentro los utencilios de aseo!

-Ahi debajo del lavamanos!

BINGO! the topic was changed without any casualties.

She proceed to tell me the news.

- Voy a salir de donde el viudo para donde Ana Maria que la tengo que recoger a las 3 PM y llame a Dora Marcela y me dijo que la recogiera a ella primero. ¿Que te iba a decir? ah si, que todos fueramos a comer con ella y por eso te estoy llamando. Vienes con nosotros? Si o No?

So much information. At this point I do not know if at the time when your mom arrive to Rutgers Ana Maria was going to be in the car or waiting in Montclair and suddenly I have an invitation to deal with.

To tell you the truth I discard all information about Ana Maria.

For one moment I was thinking how is possible that your mom called me and then she ask herself, ¿Que te iba a decir?, and always amazed me that she remember so quick.

Anyway I had to answer the invitation.

-NO, Me voy a quedar en la casa para terminar unos proyectos que tengo que hacer.

It is true. I have a few projects but really I was checking how Montoya was doing in NASCAR because He will race tonight. And then I was wondering if there is a website about productivity and how to increase your performance without moving a finger. I did not find anything yet so I think there is a niche in there. If I can find a way to make money from procrastinators I let you know. Next week I think of something in that area.

- Claro! prefiere quedarse metido en la computadora que compartir con su mujer y sus hijas.

I am so naive. For a moment I was under the impression that I can honestly say yes or not. So I clarify with her.

-Pero tu me invitaste y me dijiste que dijera si o no y ahora me haces sentir mal!

- Pues sientete todo lo mal que quieras, esa es tu historia. No te quito mas tiempo, que te diviertas.

_ ¿A que horas llegas? - I asked.

-¿Para que?

- Es que no he almorzado y mira que ya va a ser la 1?

That was true, I took a early breakfast at around 10 AM and I was predicting a really late lunch.

-Dile a la computadora que te haga de comer. Chao.

Late lunch?

How about not lunch at all?

Fluffy was watching me. I did not noticed before.

I had the most strange feeling. I have to ask Dora Marcela if dogs can understand others languages. So I talked to him in Sspanish with a doggie accent

-¿Te estas burlando infeliz?

He said nothing. put his head down and pretend to sleep. I know he was smiling.

Laughing. He was laughing. And I know I am not crazy but something in the position he has the ears, allowed me to discover the truth. My own dog laughing about my strict diet.

Anyway, you mom called me later.

- ¿Ya lavo el perro?

Of course not. I was in the middle of this writing.

- Yo creo que esta un poco frio para el.

- No, no, no. Lavalo con dos manos de jabon y shampoo de perro. Bañate tu tambien y deberias utilizar el shampoo de fluffy. Son igualitos.

Really, I have never understood your mom's jokes but I know is refer to something I will not like.

I was going to answer back but she was gone.

-OK Fluffy, I have something to cure your spontaneous silly smile.

Note: In the next email you can find the "before and after " pictures of the event.

Sobre enfermeras

So your mom and I went out last night.

It was a special night a least for me because I do not have to pay for food, alcohol or gasoline. So basically she was bored.

When we return to our love nest, Jennifer your cousin was home. Of course I was surprise since nobody visit me even tough I have this ttractive personality. Anyway she was home with Dora and we talk about a few very important topics. For example:

• cesarean procedures and proper Technics
• How to walk in Athens
• Penicillin and why ER charge so much
• Napoli, Pompey and Venici virtual tour
• What to do if you wake up in discover yourself with Muscular Distrophy
• 5 bowl of soup is not healthy
• I want to go Alaska to see how Eskimo lives (your mom input)
• chemotherapy, radiotherapy, tvtherapy, EGR, ER and colonoscopy procedures
• A pretty girl was going to stealth from me in Rome but I talk in italian with proper accent and escape without running

As you can see we did not talk. everyone was involved in their own discussion.

Anyway, I make a worring discovery.

Your Cousin Jennifer "advice" me to take a Prostate check.

As you know I am against such practices because of their side effects. Imagine if I get addict and I used the old excuse of "I just want to be healthy"

No way.

To me it is a scam. It is just another way hospital discover to make money. Otherwise how you explain that before they "recommend" it every 5 years, then every year and now, every few weeks? At some point we men, are going to see our personal doctors as boyfriends.

Whenever you see a male friend that has his doctor in Facebook or Twitter, you do not have to ask: his prostate is destroy.

Anyway I went to sleep like a 2 AM no before I went to check my Farmville just to discover in horror that my corn and my roses are destroy.

"Ya se va a meter en la computadora"- your mom asked.

The thing is I was already in the PC in she knew.

So I said something about an important email I have to send and logoff.

I logoff and went to the bathroom. When I get out of the bathroom she was looking some pictures in Facebook.

"Uyy como esta de vieja doña Leonor."

I refuse to ask who that hell was doña Leonor. And I was afraid to ask since it will be another opportunity for your mom to tell me about the time that she went to a trip with the nephews of a well and prosperous family in Cali where everyone except her and Elvira, smoke weed all night until somebody discover that one them were so high in the sky that no matter how much cold water they make him drink, they were unable to make him land.

I think it was the same trip where a boy eat a peanut and die.

have you ever wonder why your mom never get a bag of peanuts?

well... now you know.

It is Sunday 10:00 I discover myself drinking so much water this morning. according to Google, it keep my prostate like new. Which it is good for two reasons:

1. I can laugh freely when I hear my same age male friends complaining about a lower pain
2. My doctor can be proud in case the water theory happens to be just another urban myth

Wish me luck.

Por eso es que nadie lo quiere!

"Por eso es que nadie lo quiere"

when I heard those word from your mom, I froze. She must know something.

And then I realize that it could be just another story, after all, fluffy is loved no matter how many times he choose our kitchen as a place to mark.

I was in the living room looking through the window and I saw Garfield coming downstairs. he froze too. I am not saying that he understand Spanish, but something in the tone of your mom's voice, make him stop, rethink his next move and in a wise move went silently to the second floor.

Half an hour later I saw him running to the basement so I guess he cannot hold his needs anymore.

Your mother continue the whole afternoon talking to Fluffy. A few times her voice was as sweet as when she was my girlfriend. Other times she used a different tone of voice that scare our noble and canine friend. I heard she says something but this time I have not a clue if the remark was to me or to fluffy so I decide to go quietly to the computer room.

I think fluffy was also confused because he came with me trying not to make any noise but his long nails ruins our escape.

We are living in half an hour. I used to feel bad for Fluffy because he stays alone.

I wonder if he feels bad for me because I cannot refuse to go.

It is just Saturday. I miss my work.

It is not easy being a dog

I am not working today.

What is going on when you are not here you ask?

Of course I was sleeping when the phone ring louder than ever. I was so sleepy but I had to answer, you know the feeling, right?

After the wrong number phone call, I cannot sleep again.

I took Fluffy outside. I was happy looking him from inside. This is the Log I kept of the session:

1. Dog look the environment to spot possible danger zones
2. Dog run freely to the curb
3. Dog mark his territory proudly. 9 seconds
4. dog sniff the air detecting the presence of "something"
5. the "something" never appears
6. Dog proudly marks email post from adjacent house, 8 seconds
7. Dog run satisfied to the door and let his ears fly.
8. Log is complete.

So I feel sleepy again and went upstairs. Your mom said something about the present sleep situation in this house: "En esta casa ya no se puede dormir" apparently she doesn't know is almost 9 AM

I feel free to go to check what is new in Google.

suddenly a scream fill the house. !Puta perro! said your mom.

As fast as I could, I create a story: "Fluffy open the garbage bag, and make a real mess in the kitchen" I can even saw the pieces of chicken and plastic bottles around.

¿tu sacaste a Fluffy? she asks. (yelling)

Si.

I said using the same actitud that Dora takes when she says: whatever...

Mira lo que hizo!!! screal your mom again.

Of course I do not want downstairs to see garbage all around, believe it or not that is not the idea of a fun trip to me.

I guess she was not going to wait for me so she told me: Se volvio a mear en la cocina.

So I have to put all the garbage I have in my mind. I put all those plastic in the same place I saw them before and instead I put a big yellow liquid beside one of the legs of the table. 1/2 second or less.

Suddenly I hear like a Olympic team doing exercise.

It was your mom chasing Fluffy through the living room. She was also saying a few things that this family blog cannot reproduce.

I can hear (but do not believe me) your mom giving advice to the noble creature in a indescriptible lenguage.

Suddenly the front door opens and the dog was out with safet recomdations for his life: "Vuelvalo a hacer y vera lo que le pasa"

right now the dog is inside sleeping beside the deck window. Your mom prepares breakfast giving me order of how to run my life and analyzing why The dog, the cat and even my daughters do not listen to me.

That is so far. I am going to the bathroom to give a cleaning experience to Fluffy.

It is Friday, before 10 AM. January 22 2010 The weekend just start.

What is going on when you are not here you ask?

Dora marcela Y Ana Maria:

Queridas hijas: Ahora que Ana Maria ya se ha ido a la universidad, me ha entrado la preocupacion de que ustedes no se enteren de lo que esta pasando en su hogar.

Este blog no es otra cosa que el reporte de las cosas que pasan aqui.

Esta siendo creado no con el fin de chismosear o pasar informacion irrelevante sino para que cuando us6tedes vengan a la casa, no tengamos que hablar mucho porque ya lo saben todo.

Gracias por leer.